I finally see your true colours now that i've stopped wearing those rose tinted shades.

You disgust me.

Facebook photograph

i wanted to post this up on facebook, but decided against it. What for, when its meant to address just one person. Dont you all find cryptic fb status updates so pointless. (im guilty of it sometimes, but i try not to do that anymore). Like you want it to be a pointed remark directed at someone, yet still retain a certain level of ambiguity in case you need to save your ass. All that alluding and beating around the bush. Either tell the person directly (and privately), or don't say it at all.

For this case, no, its been said before so i don't have to say it again. And its definitely not facebook/public-worthy material. My blog's not exactly private either, but i need an outlet.

The song says it all. Someone on youtube kindly left the lyrics in a comment..

I saw a photograph of you today online

Then i saw through your smile, half a mile wide

and you had another girl hanging off your arm

But no, i dont feel jealous or weird

She's rich and smart and pretty

and you deserve her

push it off

turn it down now

Chorus

You are better off without me

and i know from the day, that i realized

being with you was giving up

everything that i've stood for now

You're the boy from the table that everyone would notice

except me

You took my expectations of what you'd be

And threw them all away

We were saying everything was alright

It's not

Bridge

But everyday reminded me of things you wouldn't see

All the best of you wasted on the very best of me

And i havent tried for so long

to make each other happy

Don't come back

Don't come back now

Decisions, decisions. :(

Been losing steam. There are days when i don't want to pick up the guitar at all. Exercises, building chops and all that shizz can be a chore. A slow, endless pilgrimage. There are moments of self doubt. Listening to guitar virtuosos leaves me awe-struck but also very depressed. Richie Kotzen came up with Fever Dream at 19 years old.

Those times are when you need to remind yourself why you love playing guitar. Forget what you should be doing, what you should be practicing, what other people think. Play what ignites that spark within. Play music that awakens your whole being and makes you feel alive. Music that you love.

Doesnt matter if i suck right now. As long as i'm always inspired.

And then you have bad practice days like today. sigh.

i guess there is no short cut.

1 hr 45 min of concentrated practice.

Refining the solo for friday's performance. Technique's still a tad sloppy. Fingers are callused and peeling. its 1:48 AM. But it feels so good.

i cant wait to woodshed after graduation. i know, i am such a geek. :)

Get the funk out

whoa. Awesome groove. Killer technique. I cant wait to figure this out once FYP's out of the way!

Get the funk out yo!

Final sem is flying by. Its been mostly lots of work. Sleepless nights. But there are some good moments. Like jam sessions at hall 8 every thursday. Listening to good music at grace's room. Sleepover at boon's last night. Oh, and today's jamming with the prof. Its somewhat amusing but also refreshing to see how enthused he was while he was playing with us. I guess that love for performing is still there even after retiring from his gigging days. i love how people from all walks of life can bond over the shared love of music.

Most groups are counting down to the 25th March. But for us, full steam ahead till 19th April. Ah well. This too shall pass. And God uses difficult times to mould our character. :)

Friday's happenings.

i think this is so sweet! http://howoureyesmeet.livejournal.com/

Too bad im not a photography buff so i cant do this with my future boyfriend! heh.

i am SO tired. But im so glad i went for prayer meeting tonight. i must remember to abide in Him, in the midst of the hectic days ahead. :) And to trust Him!

Other random updates from the day...

My trusty Sony earphones are spoilt. :( im using the spare Apple ones non in-ears. i dont like. Its also a tad big for my ears.

Prof larry liked our song alot! He actually listened to the whole song, while for other groups, he cut them off midway. And he said it was 'explosive'. The late night jamming last night paid off, even though we've still got a few kinks to iron out. :)

i feel like the song doesn't do cheryl justice though. Yes, it is about cheryl. sigh. Got carried away with making the instruments and melody sound good, that the song doesn't convey its original meaning anymore. I have a long way to becoming a good musician.

OH. Prof also asked a few of us to come for his guitar masterclass! foc. i think its awesome how he takes time outside class like that to teach students guitar. BUT its on mondays at 230pm..during tim clark's class. :(:(:( To which he told me to just skip class! haha. im hoping theres no tutorial for this coming monday so i can at least attend one and see how its like!

aiight. The bed beckons!

Midnight Express

Just finished first draft of fyp report. My part that is. We'll prolly have to compile it together later in the week. zzzz.

Here's a song for everyone having to stay up past midnight full steam ahead into the wee hours for fyp or whatever school grossness. its 5:26am now.

Midnight Express by Nuno Bettencourt.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaMcf63f7Ic

Sheer brilliance on the acoustic guitar. :) Check out his solo work, and lead guitar lines with Extreme. Embedding is disallowed for all the MVs so click on the link.

I don't usually listen to Kelly Clarkson. But i have to say that she sings SO well live. Almost pitch perfect. And she has such an amazing rock voice. Addicted is my favourite song by her.

Update: She's coming our way! April 27.

http://soft.com.sg/forum/music-kopi-tiam/175685-kelly-town.html

Phew. Just finished composing and recording the lyrics and melody for a song for one of my modules. i realise i really need to work on my breath control for vocals. Some of the band are coming over tomorrow. i hope they like it.

its 345am now. heh i think id better not work on the guitar solo now. i really hope the neighbours don't complain tomorrow!!!

zzzz.

Free Tickets! WOOHOO

YAY! ive just been notified that i won free tickets to Steve Lukather's guitar clinic! :) hahaha quite cheap thrill, because the tickets weren't expensive to begin with. But this is the first time i actually won something from one of those enter and win free tickets kinda contests!

whoa next next weekend will be packed with so many gigs to attend. Steve on sat, Robben Ford's guitar clinic on Sunday, and their combined concert with Randy Brecker, Bill Evans and alot of other musicians sharing the stage on monday. ahhh. i would go for all of them if i weren't so busy! :(

im in such a dilemma now whether to go for sat or mon. i really want to catch robben ford so sunday ill definitely be down. can i go for all? howhow

The Gripmaster

Yet another week flies by with hardly any time to practise.

My fingers are still very weak and need alot of strengthening. :( I really should practise the exercises more consistently.

Found this amongst the clutter on my desk.

Gripmaster!

Guess its time to start using this again. heh never used it long enough to see results. My ex gave me his when Yamaha ran out of stock, and according to him, it helps. Its kinda like finger gym. Pressing down against the tension from the steel springs will develop finger muscle.

Addy Cradle in NTU

Went for Addy Cradle's gig yesterday afternoon. At NTU! Finally, some good music. And can you believe this is an assignment for one of my modules? The prof is too awesome.

For 1 hour in LT 19, i was mesmerized. Sure, the genre wasnt really my cup of tea. But Addy's electric guitar technique was impressive. Not sloppy at all when shredding, and he's very creative in note choices. His band was also dam tight. About 6 of them were backing him up, and they were all really good musicians in their own right. Like all can have solo time.

He's also a really down to earth, humble person both onstage and off. A rarity to meet an accomplished musician like him who's not a diva.

Pics!

Pics from Shums' Birthday celebration and CNY.

Spontaneous trip to Overeasy. Was so underdressed that night!

Dinner at Manhattan Fish (Central) before

Butter. Dam crowded! But no cover charge. :)

At Cheryl's house playing Guitar Heroes. CNY!

Me and Momoko. hahaha

House hopping with the CS girls. Let's continue the tradition post-grad!

At Universal Studios. Marie hamming it up. They sell many funky hats!

Relatives! 14 of us at the preview

$100 entry!?!

Adorable little girl!

heh

I MUST try this one day! The Blue line is much scarier. Anyone?

Going in.. (Sorry pics are all jumbled up.)

Other random things

Because im quite reluctant to start on my copywriting assignment...(still havent decided between the Asian Tiger or the African Elephant argh!)

Some random things that happened earlier at Chinatown..

Fiona finally got to try her first cup of KOI bubble tea! Being a fellow westie like her, it was only my fourth time. Needless to say, we were both quite excited when we chanced upon an outlet. Now im frickin full. One cup of milk tea is really potent!

Came across this blind man playing blues guitar on the streets. He was really really good. And he played Blues! Something you hardly get to hear in SG. It was such a pleasant surprise since i've started re-listening to alot of Blues lately. Wang and i were so mesmerized by him that we stopped for awhile just to listen to him play. A 'real musician' as wang put it. His fretboard navigation was excellent. He was so into the music, and such skilled playing despite not being able to see. Beautiful. :)

Full steam ahead till graduation!

I realise i am going to be DAM BUSY till i graduate.

FYP is FINALLY going to be executed as of next week. Not the official launch, but the pre-launch. Still a few kinks to iron out, following our meeting just hours ago with a particular stat board. Still gotta negotiate a few things with various parties, especially budget-wise. But at least we get to start something! haha im just GLAD to be getting things in motion after sitting on it for SO long.

Apologies for the many caps. Those whom i talk to regularly will understand my FRUSTRATION over fyp. Its really frustrating when things are all done and ready to go on your end, but having to wait and wait for clearance, and the last minute revisions that repeatedly spring up out of the blue. Don't even get me started on creative compromise.

So yea, fyp-wise, my group is on quite a tight runway due to all the delays from our partners, and we're really going to have to chiong that launch and report.

Other things on my plate:

1. FYP

2. The final sound design project- designing the audio for a movie trailer. Quite challenging. The trailer chosen is for a war drama. And my prior ProTools knowledge doesn't help much 'cuz i realise im dam rusty after 2 years of not using it!! heh.

3. Copywriting assignments that come on a WEEKLY basis. So if you see me stressed towards the end of each week, you know why.

4. Working with an 8 piece band for my JazzandPop module. Just got our bands assigned yesterday. Am quite stoked with the people i get to jam with! This one's fun, but i forsee many rehearsals. hahaha and its 8 of us. No joke.

5. Leader's meetings I have to attend as an intern.

6. FC Strings rehearsals every fortnight

7. Practisepractisepractise guitar with the remaining time left. Its only the beginning of a long road to be ready for Berklee/MI auditions.

I don't mean to sound like im complaining 'cuz im not. Listing it all out helps me compartmentalize things in my head. Especially since its quite cluttered now following the aforementioned fyp meeting.

Anyway, this verse is very apt for me this season. :)

2 Corinthians 12:9
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

Closure

He found out that i deleted him from msn.

i had to. It was proving to be difficult, seeing him online, and not being able to talk to him. Felt that a clean break was necessary for us to really move on.

His text came in the middle of sound design tutorial and totally threw me. i exclaimed so loudly that the tutor asked if there were facebook politics going on hurhur. Struggled for awhile, but decided to come clean and tell him. Any excuse would sound phony anyway and i didnt want to lie to him. sigh.

Then came a long slew of smses. It was bad timing too, 'cuz i was rushing a deadline for fyp. He wanted to talk on the phone, but i couldnt, didn't want to also because i knew how that would turn out.

I hate that he's using emotional blackmail against me. He knows that i still care. Yet he cites reasons like my work, my convenience etc as to why i chose to end things. sigh. Im trying to see it as his way of coming to terms with things. But it sure doesn't make it any easier for me. I'm torn between feeling sad and just really pissed at him.

Called xt last night and she really helped. Thanks for riding out all the emotional drama with me all these times! Don't know what i'd do without you.

Anyway. Wanted to blog about cny and vday, then this happened. Will do so soon, if i manage to get pics from my cousin. Got to spend more time with the relatives since my parents were overseas. Felt really blessed this cny. Even though im not that close to my dad's side (mom's side in japan), they are all really generous to a fault. haha and i dont mean that just in terms of red packets. They really go out of their way to be hospitable and make you feel at home. Met up with different groups of friends too and went to universal studios. i missed him during vday, but was glad for jang and yufan who spent it with me hanging out till the wee hours of the AM heh. All in all, quite a good one i'd say.

Aiight. its 12pm. Time to get the day started. :(

Runner's high

Good morning world!

Woke up this morning at 7am for the first time since internship. Voluntarily, not because i have to. Went for a run too, for the first time since who knows when. First time this year, thats for sure. haha so proud of myself that i had to blog about it.

From training 4 times a week in jc, its really bad that i hardly exercise nowadays. Ever since i picked up the e-guit, it seems that my passion for running has been eclipsed. Quite telling in how i read Total Guitar now instead of Runner's World magazine. heh or maybe im just making excuses for my laziness.

Anyway, i think sleeping early really makes a whole world of difference! haha. Despite sleeping for about 6.5 hours, im feeling quite awake now. it's prolly the run too. I want to do this more often. Feels really good to wake up early. To be able to go for run, do qt, practise some guitar...do the things i love before the rest of the world wakes up and i have to deal with fyp, school and other gross things. hahaha im going to have to wake up at 5am then if all thats gonna happen.

Shall try for 7am. i think i can do that for certain days that i don't have school. i hope it lasts! :)

Too much to drink. i dont know how i'm going to wake up for my 10am class tomm.

Mark Tremonti

One of my favourite players. I love how he can take ideas from blues players like Stevie Ray Vaughn and make them his own by giving it a more hard rock edge. He is very technical, but also very melodic. Also uses a PRS guitar!

His instructional dvd The Sound and The Story is solid stuff. Full of material- he actually teaches and breaks down some of his riffs, and also has material from other guest players too. The Story side of the dvd is also dam inspiring! i've been wanting to learn the Blackbird solo for the longestttt time and i can finally play it because of this! :)

Anyway, some quotes from him:

"Solos- if they don't say anything, they're pointless. A solo that makes a song better is worth playing. But if its not, if its just showing off technique, it's not worth putting in."

"I want to make it a time where a listener who might not be interested in guitar playing or guitar techniques can hum the melody somewhere within the solo and still appreciate it."

RESPECT.

The day's happenings

Heh for a lack of a better title. anyway, i wonder who even reads my blog nowadays. i sometimes forget theres actually an audience out there who might possibly be reading this. Here's a nice space to just type out the occasional random thought. Its nice to have a one-sided conversation sometimes, when youre too tired to go into the details but you still feel like sharing with someone.

Mom's birthday today. Spent a bomb on a gorgeous red pierre cardin wallet for her. LOVE the smell of leather. Balked at the price initially (even after 20% off, its still quite ex), but it was all worth it when i saw how surprised she was, and how much she really liked it. It really is more blessed to give than to receive. :)

Went back to school in the evening for that one module. sigh..quite disappointed at the way it's been turning out actually. im genuinely interested in this course..but the tutor's so slack, and quite disorganized in the way he teaches. Furthermore, i registered for it in the hopes of learning more MIDI programming...but turns out that its not going to be covered much here. Anyway, its week 4 already, and I don't think i've learnt anything new. Its frustrating, because he just glosses over everything, gives us very little time for hands on practise- which is the best way to get familiarised with any software! And its so weird, because he alternates between treating us like kids (silly exercises like making us each take turns to read in front of the condensor mic?!) and adults (an excuse to just skim through stuff cuz we're 'supposed to know this since we're in university'. like hello, then we won't even be taking your course?!) Gave him some feedback last week when he was talking to kairu and i...i hope he got what we were trying to say. i don't mean to complain...but it is disappointing especially if you're really interested in the subject and not just taking it to clear AUs. The tutor undoubtedly is well-versed in his area of expertise... but its one thing to be good at something and another to teach others.

On a seperate note, its been a month and two days since our break up. Kinda hard not to keep count, considering that we broke up on new year's eve. Keeping busy helps. Alot. But there are reminders of him everywhere. Like yesterday, i saw a guy on the street wearing the same shirt i bought for him. And today, i smelt that familiar scent of cologne on some random person. Made me do a double take, but it was undeniably the same smell. Songs. Places. People.

i still miss him. But i know we're both in a better place right now.