My heart hurts so much that i feel like im all torn up inside. i don't even want to try to make it sound poetic. it hurts like a bitch. the more you love, the more you hurt. You also hurt even more, knowing that he's hurting. worse, knowing that youre the cause of the hurt.
its ironic. how even though you love someone, you still somehow end up hurting him time and time again. we're no longer good for one another. we both end up feeling like crap over what can never be. The differences are too vast and love does not overcome all, much as id like to believe.
What is love anyway? i think most people's definition is not even according to 1 Corinthians 13. More often than not, love's become a euphemism for passion or lust. love is patient, love is kind.. sigh. i dont think i was very patient or kind just now. :(
we've both invested so much into this relationship. Given so much of ourselves into making this work. this is unlike any other relationship ive experienced. its not a question of love, or commitment, or communication breakdown, personality clashes or whatever usual relationship obstacle. because in all other aspects, we're soul mates. it just doesn't seem to be God's will for us. at least not right now..but i don't know if we can ever be. :( at least not when the issue at hand concerns our faith.
i guess ultimately God has to be the center of any relationship. i've given up trying to go against His will anymore. For myself, but even more so for the other party. i dont ever want to cause the kind of hurt we're going through right now. as j once said on her msn. "get it right the first time."
A song i wrote one night when i was feeling like crap. still untitled and unfinished.
Glass in a silver frame
A happy memory frozen in time
Shattered as reality comes crashing down
Against the cold hard floor
Shards that cut
Like the words i cant retrace
Echoes in my head
Accusing
Abusing
dear Lord, ill trust that You'll take care of him for me.
